literature

You Complete Us - Chapter 6

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Summary: It has been three years since Harley Quinn broke it off with The Joker for good and has been exploring the other side of the fence with Poison Ivy in Brooklyn, but will a run-in with the Merc with a Mouth throw her world for a loop or will it be love at first arse grab?

Chapter 6 - How 'Bout Us?

Dc Rebirth  Harley Quinn  1 Aod Variant By Witta-d by Superchica

Artwork by Witt-A

Deadpool’s POV

%It’s cool, it’s cool…everything will be just fiiiine.%

Harley strutted in front of me, mallet in one hand resting on her shoulder, her stuffed beaver clutched into the other hand. I walked in a crouch, my head darting left and right constantly, as if a clown would drop from the sky right in front of me just to fuck with me. I was so consumed with looking around for my nemesis that I hadn’t seen Harley walk in a different direction and I stopped dead in my tracks.

“Oh my g-Harley?!” I bellowed as I turned around in circles 3 times, frantically looking for her with a faint whimper.

“So not fucking cool!” I yelled, wrapping my arms around myself as I decided which direction to walk tentatively. I walked across the dirt as if it were glass that would shatter beneath me, when suddenly the terrorizing sound of a clown horn flooded my ears from behind me. My arms shot straight into the sky with a shrill scream and I bolted forward in a direction that was just anywhere as long as it was away from the sound. When I finally found a spot to hide, I pressed my back against the nearby tent as my chest heaved.

%We should really think about therapy for this whole scared of clowns business…%

{I think there’s a lot more things we need therapy for before clowns…}

“Poolness!” Harley’s voiced bellowed as I jumped again, slamming a hand to my chest as I looked over to her, relieved that it was my pale faced goddess and not a pale-ass clown. She held the clown horn up to me and honked it a few more times, before I reached my hand out and slapped it out of her hand as if it were a snake or something.

“Hey!” she yelled with a scrunch of her nose before she took a few more steps towards me.

“What’s yer problem? I was just tryin’ to show ya the neat-o horn the churro stand gave me and ya ran off like ya just saw Leonard Nemoy’s naked butt or somethin’!” Harley bellowed as she rested a hand on one of her hips. I contemplated for a moment or two if I truly wanted to tell her flat out that clowns scared the ever-loving shit out of me or to go for the tougher guy approach. As history would serve me with continued idiocy…I decided on the latter. I cleared my throat and stood up straight.

“The, uh…the horn triggered my PTSD, that’s all. Be, uh…be more careful next time,” I said, clearing my throat again, as I crossed my arms over my chest, watching Harley shove half of the churro in her mouth. Dear lord in heaven, where did it even fucking go?!

“Oh yeah? PTSD from what?” Harley challenged as I shook my head, realizing she just asked me a question. Meanwhile, I had been thoroughly distracted; imagining one of my own appendages was taking the place of the churro Harley was currently shoving down her gullet.

“Oh, uh…’Nam or something,” I said rather absently, the last bit of the churro entering her mouth as she began to lick each of her fingers of all the cinnamon-sugary goodness. Suddenly, I realized that only one of her hands was currently occupied and I looked to the ground to see if she set it by her feet.

%Uh uh, ‘ol Bernie ran away!%

“Uh, Harley…where’s your uh, beaver?” I asked, tilting my head at her as I watched her look down to her arms, a sudden panic suddenly overtaking her as she realized the beaver was nowhere to be seen. She did a few circles before her face started to contort in this weird grimace as if she was…oh boy, was she about to start leaking from her eyeballs?

“Omigod…how could I lose ‘im! He’s my bread and buttah!” I approached her, grabbing either of her shoulders with my gloved hands.

“Harls…we will find your beaver and when we do I will personally give it a kiss,” I said, placing a hand over my chest in reference to myself. Harley stuck out her bottom lip in a pout and began to bounce idly up and down like a little girl taking a tantrum.

“What good are ya lips, ya never even show ‘em!” she whined, starting to look around frantically again. I reached a hand up to the area where my mouth was beneath the mask.

“I mean, I suppose I could cut a hole out where my mouth is, but then I’d just look like one of those weird bondage people, or worse yet, a Mexican wrestler…,” I began to stammer before I felt a fist slam into my shoulder.

“Focus Poolbutt! My beaver is missin’!” Harley bellowed and I nodded once before walking past her at a brisk pace, momentarily forgetting that a clown could be lurking around any corner. I approached the first carnie I saw, who happened to me a midget with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and a row of missing teeth, and gave him a bow.

“Excuse me kind sir, but have you seen a stuffed…beaver?” The midget carnie looked up at me quizzically and then glanced over at Harley who was fidgeting nervously, almost as if she had to pee or take a massive deuce.

“It’s a fair, buddy…I’m sure there’s tons’ah stuffed beavers in this joint,” the midget said to me with unabashed annoyance as he jutted his thumb behind him in reference to the fairgrounds.

“It’s actually a real…stuffed…beaver,” I corrected as the miniature man looked up at me quizzically before shrugging his shoulders.

“Well, why didn’t ya say so! There’s one right over there, just gotta win it!” he bellowed before letting out a high-pitched laugh that made me take a step back in apprehension. I looked over to where he referenced and noticed that the game was one of those “Test of Strength” games with the mallets and tilted my head. Harley was already three steps ahead of me as I trotted to catch up with her.

“Fear not my Deranged Damsel, your darling Deadpool will win your beaver!” I exclaimed holding up a finger before her forearm pressed onto my chest and guided me out of the way with a smirk, wrapping her hands around the handle of her mallet.

“I think me an ‘ol Beatrice got dis one, Pool-o,” she remarked as the carnie chewed on his cigar before waving his hands at her.

“You gotta use OUR mallet, girly girl,” he stammered as her eyes narrowed at him and I scratched my head, knowing this probably wasn’t going to end very well…for the carnie.

“But, I brought my own…,” she remarked, swinging the mallet about in her hands. As the man opened his mouth to protest again and took a step forward, Harley brought the mallet down onto the device, launching the bell up to the top so fast and harshly that it broke off at the top and came crashing down right into the head of the unknowing carnie. My head darted back and forth between the possibly dead or severely injured carnie to Harley, who was walking over to the prize area in complete glee.

{Okay…this dame is…}

%Amazing, hot, crazy?!%

Harley grabbed the stuffed beaver that was sitting amongst the rest of the plush prizes and clung it to her chest, whispering a few baby-talk coo words to it.

“There we are, Bern. Safe and sound.” she muttered as she stepped over the body of the carnie…correction, stepped ON the body of the carnie as she walked over him and back to me. She then thrusted the beaver in my direction and put a hand on her hip.

“Pucker up, Romeo!” Harley bellowed as she shook the beaver idly in front of me, apparently remembering my promise earlier as I peered around the beaver at her. She looked at me impatiently and tapped her foot. I leaned forward, placed my mask on the beaver, and made a loud smacking sound with my lips.

“Nuh-uuuuh! Use yer smack-a-roos!” she chastised as my eyes narrowed behind my mask. My shoulders slunk in defeat before I lifted enough of the mask to just barely show my lips and planted a quick smack atop the beaver’s head, sputtering as some of the fur got in my mouth.

“You ever consider getting that thing shaved?” I asked as I pulled the mask down over my mouth. Harley stared at me wide eyed before tilting her head to side.

“Who ever heard of a shaved beaver?” she asked innocently as I raised a hand to retort, but she was already brushing past me.

 

Harley’s POV

{First you lose me, then this tool talks about shaving me bald? Just great, I can see where I stand!}

“Bern, stop being such a drama mama. I ain’t shavin’ ya, you’ll remain as hairy, spunky, and slightly decayin’ as the day we met!” I bellowed before approachin’ another game that involved shootin’ a bow and arrow at balloons to win a prize. There rested my beloved pink monkey that I been eyeballin’ fer months!

“A’right, Pool-ness. Want to win me somethin’, now’s yer chance!” I bellowed as I pointed at the pink monkey with a huge grin. Deadpool stepped up to the game and scratched his head while tiltin’ it.

 

Deadpool’s POV

Motherfucker of ALL the games in this living hellhole she had to pick the ONE game that I’d be incredibly and utterly 100% horrible at?! Why would I shoot a bow and arrow with having swords and guns on my person’s at all times?!

{Hawkeye does…}

“Well, Hawkeye can suck my left testicle, and you can tell that tool I said so!” I retorted as Harley just canted her at me like me yelling at myself wasn’t really that out of the ordinary; my god was she fucking hot! Okay…we can do this, how hard could it actually be, right?

FYI readers, Hawkeye is a Marvel character that uses all these gadgetized arrows with a good ‘ol fashioned bow, no NOT a cross bow…you heard me, like I said, fucking tool.

%Just find your inner Katniss Everdeen! And may the odds be ever in your…%

“Don’t even dare finish that sentence. We all agreed that the only reason we watched all three Hunger Games movies was because J Law is hot as shit. No quotes!” I cracked my knuckles as I approached the game, giving the carnie some cash as he handed me the bow and arrow. I rolled my shoulders as I brought the arrow up to the bow. Fuck, I actually was finding my inner Katniss, thinking back to how she held it in the movies.

%Ha ha!%

I let the arrow go…straight into my foot.

“Mother of shit!” I bellowed as I bounced up and down a moment, trying to even figure out how at one moment the arrow was aimed straight ahead of me and then in another instant, it was downward and into my foot. I reached down and yanked the arrow from my foot in a grimace. I looked over at Harley who was stifling a laugh and seductively biting at the tip of her thumb. I approached the game again with a bit of a limp as the carnie handed me another arrow.

“Two more, buddy,” the carnie said simply as I snatched the arrow from his hand.

“I’m fine, by the way,” I responded as I brought the arrow again up to the bow, this time I purposely aimed it downward at the rude carnie. I actually hit my intended target this time as the arrow launched into the carnie’s foot. The carnie grimaced as I pointed with a laugh.

“How’s it feel, buddy…maybe next time you’ll-,”I started to say as the carnie begun to laugh and slowly lifted up his pant leg to show my arrow planted itself into a prosthetic wooden leg and I stood up right, sordidly disappointed. Harley stifled a giggle as her hips rotated left to right, her pigtails following suit in the same motion. I found my head rotating left and right in unison before an arrow was shoved into my view.

Last one, pal…and I hope ya fuckin’ hit yer other foot,” the carnie so rudely responded as I cleared my throat and raised the bow and arrow to shoot. I took a deep breath and let it loose. The arrow collided into one of the nearby metal poles, ricocheted and launched itself straight into the side of my head. I stood still and blinked a few times.

{I’d like to see us do THAT again! That’s talent right there!}

Harley’s POV

My hands launched to my mouth, droppin’ the mallet and Bernie again in the process. I knew DP said he was able to grow a finger back, but an arrow straight into his noggin’?! I started to run forward to him when suddenly Deadpool’s head turned to look at the carnie who was laughin’, thinking that DP had met his makah. Suddenly, DP launched himself ovah the counter and drug his head across all the balloons, poppin’ every single one of them, before yankin’ the arrow out of his head and lodged it into the carnie’s shoulder. The carnie stared up at him wide eyed and dumb founded, barely bein’ able to notice the arrow in his shoulder, but probably more focused on the fact that Deadpool was still kickin’. The carnie reached out for the pink monkey and handed it to Deadpool, eyes never leavin’ him. DP plucked the monkey from the carnie’s fingers and hopped back over to hand it to me with a bow.

{Okay…that was pretty…is sweet the right word here because he’s still psychotic.}

I took the monkey with a huge grin, tiltin’ my head at the blood on either side of Deadpool’s mask with a lil pout.

“That hurt?” I asked pointin’ at the two holes on opposite sides of his head. Deadpool shook his head vigorously before pattin’ his skull with a gloved hand.

“Not anymore, Sweetcheeks!” he responded and I laughed, nuzzlin’ the monkey to my face with a girly whimper.

“Well I’m glad ya ain’t dead!” I said with complete sincerity as I leaned forward and kissed Deadpool on the side of his masked face. I stood straight up and watched Deadpool drag a hand down the side of his face where I’d kissed him.

 

Deadpool’s POV

I stared at Harley as I felt her lips on my cheek still, despite my mask, as the edges of her form seemed to start glowing ethereally. A sudden, steady flow of wind began as it tousled her pig tails about slightly and my eyes widened behind my mask as I started to idly sing the lyrics to “How ‘Bout Us” by Champaign.

“Some people are made for each other, some people can love one another for life, how ‘bout us?” I sang as if actually asking her.

Listen to How 'Bout Us!

%Man, if we are like this from a kiss on the cheek just imagine what a hand-job would do!%

My angelic daydream was rudely interrupted when a sudden horrifying visage appeared behind Harley and instead of the light; I was surrounded by engulfing darkness. Oh…shit. I passed out.

{It is super dark in here…don’t we have a match or something?}

%I don’t have pockets!%

{Hey! WAKE UP!}

I sat up straight, shaking my head as if to clear it and frantically looked around me, seeing Harley and not the scariest most blood curdling looking clown I had seen moments prior to going nighty night. Harley tilted her head at me.

“You okay, Pool-o? You went down like a sack-a potatoes!” she stammered and I opened my mouth to reply when suddenly, the clown face bent down right in between us.

“You okay there, buddy; didn’t mean to startle you!” he yammered and I leapt to my feet in a shrill scream, drawing both of my pistols and unleashed every single piece of lead that those pistols were armed with into the chest, head, body, feet, and dick of this would be assailant. The clown lay dead, now on the ground looking like bloodied Swiss cheese as I stood with two smoking barrels and my chest heaving. Harley stood and slowly approached me as I let my head fall.

{Oh we are so screwed…may have been a bit overkill.}

I holstered my pistols and interlaced my fingers behind my back, idly going up and down on the balls of my feet as if what happened didn’t actually happen.

“So, uh, I guess you want to run for the hills now, huh?” I asked tilting my head at her and preparing for the worst.

“Are you crazy? That was flippin’ awesome!” she bellowed, jumping up and down before grabbing her mallet, beaver, and new pink monkey into her arms.

“What other kindah dirt can we get into?” she asked, tilting her head at me in curiosity. Seriously, WHERE did this chick come from? A test tube?!

“Well, I’ve always wanted to start a You Tube channel…,” I said rather matter of factly as I removed my cell phone from my pocket to pull up the You Tube app.

“Ooo, ooo, I know just what we’ll call it! Pooley!”

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